Dream #4

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss...

I dreamt about you again last night, or early this morning...July 5, 2006.

Here's what I remember:

the ending, first, because this is the most clear:


I'm standing in a group of people, we are in line waiting to be allowed to go 'in' somewhere or sign up for something.. but people are all around..

I feel like its outside.

I'm anxious, because I think I know that you are around. I want to get in there.

I look up and there is like a podium, its like IT'S inside now, like an awards banquet or something - maybe inspired from that Sanyo thing you did and I saw pics of, but it's not exactly like that.. and there you are - you're at the podium -- you look ok, not great. But I'm still excited it's you.

Short hair, real short hair like a pic I saw recently that you have this real sort of Ward Cleaver cut - you look like some guy from the 60's with the haircut, like this.. Ken doll molded hair... *ohgod* -- and you're kinda 5:00 shadowy ish -- and kinda Giambi shiny sweaty .... and you're looking and smiling and here comes AROD over to you from the right.. and I'm watching ... its like a train wreck that you know is going to happen and I'm WATCHING it unfold... you are smiling at each other... and Arod goes right to you and he and you KISS each other... on the MOUTH. A ... nice one too, not just a peck.. one like I would give you if I ever had the chance.

My jaw drops and you turn and look right at me. Like you know I'm there and are a little embarassed that I just saw that... its like that but then again I'm not sure if you're saying "take that!" to me too. But you immediately looked at me to see my reaction and my mouth is dropped open and I look away. I just can't look - its' killing me. Thats the end.

OH WAIT, NO its not! -- after I look away... there must've been a part of my subconscious so sad about that that it added a part for me that I could take away from the dream... I'm still in the haphazard line I am in... and there ahead of me is the Old Johnny ... you've got a red tshirt on, your hair is long, facial hair but NICE ... you're looking down and signing something... and you are exquisitely beautiful and my heart is full seeing this person instead of the 'other guy'.

I start to go over to you - the line is moving and I'm getting closer, I am ready to start edging people aside .. I am 3 feet away... and dammit I wake up!!! UGH!! ;)

I have the strangest dreams that ... to me they are easy to read -- I just miss my old JD and am very bothered by the new one.

The earlier part was... and this is so hard to conjure up now...

You were around. Somewhere. Again, there are tons of people milling around.. I am searching... I'm going room to room it seems in some restaurant or inn or something.. I'm dressed up and people are sitting at nice tables w/ linen tablecloths etc -- candle lit -- I feel like I met up with you sometime earlier in this part of the dream or got very close to you, but I can't remember it now. I do know that I was anxious looking for someone, and I was aware that you were in the vicinity... you were somewhere --- but that's all I remember now. Apprehension about my Boston trip?? Anxiety that I am not going to get to see you at all that day, and hence, never? Probably... and I don't know, but I do know I love dreaming about you, no matter what the scenario -- because it may be as close as I ever do get to you, and it feels real enough..

Even if you're kissing Arod full on the mouth... I like dreaming about you, but that ... yeah that was gross!! lol

letting me go...

I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside...

I never...
I never...
I never...